“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”
As my fellow readers might already know, I am in the throes of my midlife transit which feels something like this;
You have been wearing kick ass pants for the past 41 years however now you can no longer zip them up and are overcome with embarrassment because for the past 41 years you thought stonewash was the hottest thing. Suddenly you are no longer sure about speckled denim and are yet to find another pair of pants that feel good so you just walk around naked.
What comes with the liminal territory of midlife for me is not wanting to be on the end of any threads that connect me to any past, even the past of five minutes ago. This has been playing havoc with my social life and intimate connections which are based on ‘formed’ notions of ‘I know you, we have a thing together’. These threads of ‘knowing’ are impermissible to the Uranian demolition squad that have taken up residency in my astrological chart- I just do not know what I am going to feel next.
The positive side of this fundamental shift of moment to moment obscurity is that I am forced to be current, attuned to what is vibrating and alive NOW.
Current is defined as;
Belonging to the present time; happening or being used or done now.
A flow of electricity which results from the ordered directional movement of electrically charged particles.
Trying to live in the flow of ‘currency’ is not easy in a civilisation that is deeply embedded in Newtonian consciousness based on predictability and certainty. George Ritzer coined the term ‘McDonaldization of Society’ to describe the calculability, predictability, and control that has extended not just from the ‘iron cages’ of organisations but into the realm of everyday interactions and individual identity. We have gotten mighty comfortable with assurance and linearity that we have forgotten one little small thing- drum roll please….
The mystery (my old mate).
“Nothing exists except atoms and empty space; everything else is opinion.”
Planetary consciousness is in the midst of an awakening with the rise of quantum mechanics and in particular the theory that ‘electrons exist simultaneously in an infinite array of possibilities or probabilities in an invisible field of energy’.
Newton’s law of universal gravitation aka ‘apple falling to the ground story’ is fraying at the edges by a supermassive black hole at the centre of our galaxy - Sagittarius A* or ‘Bruiser’ as I like to call the big fella. Bruiser’s gravitational acceleration is so strong that not even light can escape it; theories of gravitational predictability are now blushing in the face of this big black A hole.
These shifts in cosmic consciousness also constellate through individual awakening.
We are waking up to what Joe Dispenza describes as the predictability of memorized behaviors, attitudes, beliefs, emotional reactions, habits, skills, associative memories, conditioned responses, and perceptions.
“This means that we will think the same thoughts, feel the same feelings, react in identical ways, behave in the same manner, believe the same dogmas, and perceive reality the same ways. About 95 percent of who we are by midlife1 is a series of subconscious programs that have become automatic”.
Now for a little more cosmic banter.
In the 16th Century Nicolaus Copernicus developed the heliocentric model which placed the sun at the centre of the universe. This was nullified in 1974 by the discovery of the black hole (old mate Bruiser) inside the milky way as the new centre of our galaxy. This shift in awareness also shifted the axis of our collective consciousness from the ‘solar’ light at the centre of existence to the dark. I see this as a shift from the ‘illumination’ of knowledge, rationality and predictability to the vibratory mysteries of dark matter and the quantum realms.
Now back to my stonewash pants..
How does all this babble relate to my own stark naked transit? I too am feeling the gravitational pull of the ‘dark’ that lies at the centre of our galaxy and consumes all matter that crosses it’s event horizon. I can feel the dark inside my own atomic core wanting to destroy all ‘light’ of knowledge, predictability and form. What wants to emerge from the emptiness of the black hole within me is the ecstatic current of the dark.
I feel deeply called to listen and respond to the mystery that arises from and falls back into nothingness. This current is completely unpredictable, it emerges only from formlessness, I cannot control, shape or direct it. When this current arises it carries an energy which is both alive and incredibly still, it does not carry the weight of gravity but pulses inside silence. Astronauts who have experienced zero gravity in space describe a sense of ‘motionlessness rather than movement’ and have repeatedly reported inexplicable euphoria, a “cosmic connection”.
What this looks like in my personal world is that I feel compelled to release anything that already exists as ‘formed’ ( ideas, projections, learned knowledge, connections) and follow what is currently alive NOW. Once attuned to this current it becomes so obvious that most of us have lived outside the still- aliveness of the ecstatic; inside the gravitational density of predictability and control.
How do you know if you are experiencing the mystery vibrating through the ecstatic dark? Like astronauts in space, it feels effortless. People, places and experiences arise without you ‘doing’ anything, the animation of life works spontaneously without your input like a celestial vacuum pulling you to where you need to be. This current can be a ‘feeling to go somewhere’ or an ‘impulse to speak to that person’ and when I do, I meet the alchemy of aliveness and stillness, my atoms vibrate electricity.
I know I have strayed into the stratosphere of ‘past’ when this energy retrogrades and the aliveness is replaced by dullness- gravity returns. Most of us linger well into ‘past’ energy without even realising the current is no longer vibrating; it can no longer be felt in that relationship, that conversation, the role you hold in your work or the project you initiated. When the current has shifted you are pushing against G force and astronauts describe this like '“a weight is pushing down on every part of you.” When you are not living ‘currency’ life feels like hard work.
The dark is calling, a silent roar from deep inside space. Mission control at the dark heart of the universe is cordially inviting us to dance inside a mystery that does not illuminate but rather vibrates. We are asked to courageously put our ‘knowing’ in unpredictability, and the paradox of feeling, sensing and listening to emptiness.
The mystery asks for your consent to be danced from the ordered directional movement of electrically charged particles.
Just so you know you will be dancing on an empty dance floor, most likely naked without pants and you are required to forget all previous experience.
Newton would be choking on his apple at the notion.
I see a bright portion under the overhead light
that shades into
and then into darker
and I can't see beyond that.”
― Charles Bukowski,