Dweller in the dark

The Dalai Lama says that the world will be saved by Western women. Not any women, perhaps not all women, but Burning Women. Women who have stepped out of silence and into the fullness of their power. ― Lucy H. Pearce, Burning Woman

I am writing about a monster that lives inside of me, down in the fiery pits of my emotional body. I have always known it was there but mostly preferred to believe that the creature that dwelled in the dark fringes of my subconscious would just one day pack up and leave.

It didn’t. Instead it awakened.

The monster I am referring to is the collective feminine wound aka the backwash of a few thousand years of oppression and denigration

And she is pissed off.

This backwash from an abused feminine has created a transpersonal hurricane of animosity that lies inside our collective psyche occasionally spewing fire from a deep volcanic wound. I believe this energy impacts female bodies most strongly but can also be felt in the feminine within male bodies.

This energy transmits through a feminine subculture that ‘puts down’, blames and projects perpetration onto the masculine and male bodies, positioning herself as a victim that refuses to surrender her post.

The key note that activates the collective feminine pain body is powerlessness and is triggered primarily in relationship with a perceived outer masculine figure/s.

I had a recent encounter with the dark side of my feminine psyche; it took me down into its primordial lair and there I remained for days, writhing in anger, rage and venom. As I was wrestling with this energy I felt the surge of the collective victim behind me like a churning vortex, a hurricane of electricity, the war cries from a thousand years and inside the eye of the tempest was pure power.

I felt fucking powerful.

It took an act will to not fall into complete identify with this energy. Inside this maelstrom I saw images of the earth raging at the pillaging, plundering and raping of her fertility. I felt the archetypes of maidens and mothers bound and gagged, gasping for air. I wanted to remain inside this suffering, it felt good blaming something on the outside, I wanted to point my dark finger and unleash my snarling accusations.

I felt relief in the bitterness.

I share this experience because I have witnessed other sisters also drowning in this energy when their emotional bodies have also been pierced by the perceived masculine, I have seen other monsters awaken around me observing their kali madness arise through stories of powerlessness, I have seen the vortex of victimhood animate their sleeping wounds.

I have come to believe that this rising monster is a positive omen, it is emerging not because it wants to calcify the suffering but because it wants to be transmuted and healed; the collective feminine seeks a balm for her raging heart.

This healing requires us to lift this victim wounding from the personal self into the transpersonal and this means we must surrender the individual power that it offers.

This shift demands radical self-responsibility; to acknowledge our reactions, triggers and emotional responses as ours. We need to disentangle the archetypal energies of the collective wound from our own personal experience so we can lift this energy into love. As soon as we identify with this energy it clings to the details of our personal stories and we have fallen into it.

To do this we have to turn towards any personal trauma associated with men and the masculine, to acknowledge our betrayals, feelings of inequality, abandonment or abuse and surrender them. We also need to work on our own relationship with the inner masculine; locating the man on the inside and shifting our identify from the feminine to include this other self and then loving him fiercely. At our core we are inherently non-dual, our gender is merely a sheath to experience life through, an outer casing of the soul. Attachment to gender as a fixed identity shifts us away from our core self.

Finally, we need to call each other with love when the gusts of victim consciousness sweep through, resist collusion and instead lift each other up in our power. I want my sisters to help me rise above the imprisonment of wounding.

I believe women and those in female bodies are in a powerful place to nurse the suffering of the collective feminine on this planet, to be a balm to the gender wars and patriarchal subjugation of the feminine in EVERYONE. She is speaking directly through us. I also believe that empowering the feminine is only part of the remedy, her festering wound also needs acknowledging and tending to.

I feel that my soul has chosen a female body in this incarnation to do this very work and I am determined to not get lost in the churning of the feminine collective pain body, to be yet another raging cog in the wheel of historic suffering.

Instead I long to breathe love into her tender heart, pray over her earth body, massage her scars and implore her to forgive us all.

Winter Icely