Sexually Empowered Woman
by Winter Jade Icely
What is a sexually empowered woman?
Facilitating workshops on sexuality I have often encountered projections of my own sexual life; assumptions of raging promiscuity, orgies or boundary-less engagements. These projections are somewhat inaccurate and although I have explored many frontiers of sexual expression, I have also had many years of little sexual engagement with others.
Being empowered sexually does not necessarily equate to having lots of sex or multiple partners, in fact a sexually empowered woman may not even have sex or be engaging others.
The current paradigm of sexual empowerment denotes virtues of ‘looseness’’ and ‘openness’, a constant desire for sex and a willingness to say ‘yes’. Consequently, many women find themselves in situations and engagements in the quest for ‘sexual power’ or ‘freedom’ that are not always aligned with their truth. This is not empowerment, in fact this is contrary to what defines empowerment; self- actualisation, knowing who you are and engaging life from this place of power.
Sexual empowerment is not just a yes, in fact it may be a fuck no.
For me, sexual empowerment begins with a deep connection to oneself, the ability to be attuned to who you are in every moment and from this place opening to the world. A key aspect of this is the relationship a woman has with her body, how resonant she is with the inherent wisdom of her physicality, her ability to cultivate EMBODIMENT, to feel from the inside. Embodiment is holding consciousness and presence inside the container of our skin, bones and blood. Being at home in ourselves, feeling our aliveness. Loving every fold of flesh, every hue of discolour, each contour and crease; honouring the perfection of our imperfections.
For a woman to be sexually empowered she also needs to have a strong connection with her heart, and her emotional wisdom, to be guided by her feelings as barometers for what she needs, what feels safe, what is nourishment. She allows her heart to be activated by love; self-love. She feels. She feels everything.
She listens to her yoni, the inner pulse of her temple which is always speaking when she tunes in to the wet whispers of her pussy wisdom. A sexually empowered woman has clarity around her ‘fuck yes and hell no’, her sovereignty takes precedence above ‘fitting in’ or ‘following’. Her yoni is a deep ally and guide for this inner knowing.
Most importantly, she is guided by her desires, what opens her in each moment; a colour, a sound, the night sky. When we live in deep connection to what turns us on, what gives us pleasure in life, we are sexually empowered. We let life stir the embers of our Eros. A hearty laugh becomes a gentle caress across our nipples. Eating a meal made with love awakens a throb in our pussy. Our erotic juices are activated by the amber luminosity of a setting sun.
An empowered woman is in a state of constant lovemaking with life.
Sexuality does not start nor end in the genitals, it is the very force that vibrates through our being, the inner pulse of our aliveness. Sexual energy is the thread that connects everything, the hum of existence, our sexual energy is our life force.
Being sexually empowered has nothing at all to do with sex, it is a state of being. The world is a woman’s turn on; she is activated by life itself. A sexually empowered woman has tapped into this turn on and is aroused regardless of whether she is having sex or not. A sexually empowered woman is not necessarily wild or promiscuous, she doesn’t say yes even if the rest of the world is. She follows the erotic current of her own turn on and is guided by her arousal to life, surrendered to the delectable pleasures within her body, heart and pussy.
Sex becomes the cherry on top of the most succulent dessert.